Crimson_SaKe's Xanga

Friday, January 16, 2009

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 04:37:39 GMT

It's been a really long time.
I've started school again anew, changing my major, as well as other things in my life.
I haven't blogged in a long time, so much has happened, it all felt one long blur trying to fut in a short time frame.
Happiness, sadness, depression, anger, torment, heartache, suffering.
Losing friends.
Finding new friends.
Learning more about life and how good things must come to an end.
That feeling of being alone even when you're surrounded by people you know, even if they're friends.
Losing someone I thought I liked to someone I thought was my friend.
Finding Kristina, my girlfriend, spending time with her Italian family (-_-), excessive Italian food (._.), and drinking lots but never getting wasted over the holidays(^_^).
Buying LOTS of stuff from south street.
Buying LOTS of food.
Spending LOTS of money.
Spending the entire holiday break with my sweetheart <3.

Sometimes all you need is to know that you're loved and appreciated by someone, and nothing else really matters <3.

It took years, but I finally found someone I truly love without having to fear the hurt of loss.

I doubt I'll blog again within a month, but I can certainly try.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 04:15:01 GMT

i'mmmmm soooo buzzed drunked
lolololol i danced with random people
lindas a babe and shes like 45 or 50
HOTTEST CRAZIEST WOEMAN EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrr

cori was a blast and danced with me and got me like two amoro sours or three
her sis amnda got me 2
her other sister got me 3
katie got me one and a rum and coke

i don tthink i like rum and coke
i payed hackysack
wedding receptions are fun

i found out im okay at dancing (or was that only cause i was drunk and thought i was)
wilbert danced too hes soooo cool
n lik
some chick wrote her number on my hand
imma call her back and get myspace photos
lolsauce the food was terrible though
the OEPN BAR WASN'T THOUGH
next time imma gonna try a da kahlua mudlside thing
whatsever its calleds
tokiskwisgarmurdertool
congratulations mike and maria! wedding was pretty if not compeltely what i wasnt expecting
cori rob joey jimmy some random kids sonem random gay kids katie amanda wilbert mr archdeacon
thereasa linda i dunno there were a lotta people and i had funsicles

lolololol
i danced to like oldies and weird hip 80's music but it was fun
BUT
catholic weddings are weird im not gona lie or anyething whatever whatever ill do what i want you're a bitch
booze
im not drunk i swear

look theres hadrly any tyops
k night huns

imma go to bed and call my girl
lol
tits.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 06:43:31 GMT

So many things can go terribly wrong at a moment's notice.

When they do, you can feel the rage build and consume you.
Sometimes it takes so little to set you off, and sometimes it takes a lot. Some people know how to hit just the right spot.

And this spot, hit so many times, like a wall, can break.

Disrespect.

Disrespect me, and you're as dead to me as the rest of the world. I can take a lease, no problem, god knows I'm practically asking for it, but when you undermine my character, my morals, my ethics, my being, my values, me as a whole, you've gone too far.

Especially if it's a friend.
You're asking to have me beat your face in, curb stomp you, then drag you through the street on the back of a car.

Don't think because I'm standing there in silence I don't understand. I'm just wondering how to physically and emotionally destroy you until you're a lifeless husk.
This pain. It drives me.

It doesn't matter how long I've known you.
Mistreat me and I will do the same.
I don't need shit in my life. No more despair, or anguish..

I already have enough crap to deal with. It might not be the worst thing in the world, but I don't need it.
Already all of us have to try to forge a better life out of the shadows, drawling, and gasping through air from the shadows of fell for so long only to catch glimpses of light, a promise from a future that may never come.

Why do we struggle?
Change can only reach so many.
We can't change the murderous pedophiles or rapists.
We can't cnahe the corrupt politicians and greedy corporate entities.
We can't change the depressing state of mind of the people around us.

I would see them all hang.
Their mournful, apologetic tears would mean so much, steaming down faces quickly losing color and blood.
But death is scarcely an apology.

It's all so depressing, almost enough to make you cry.
In reality, it should give you the strength to move on and see the world around you for what it is.

Don't cross me.
Don't disrespect me.
I can't promise I won't one day make you regret ever having known me.
One day, talk won't just be talk anymore.

Dir en grey TLA 11 11 2008

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 04:38:08 GMT

Dir en grey at the TLA (Theatere of Living Arts) 11-11-08, NOVEMBER 11 2008.
Shout out to all the fab chicks and dudesI met if you ever see this.

Viva
Hattie
Sandy
Acki
Chrstina
Peggy
Mackenzie
Erin
Girl I almost bought cigars with who walked to me to closed cigar store
Girl with Acid in Her Phone Who Gave Me Apple Juice
Girl with awesome white and red contacts
Group of girls from that college blasting DEG on that itouch

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 07:34:49 GMT

HOLY SHIT NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE
Dir en grey NEXT WEEK NOVERMBER 11th AT THE THEATER OF LIVING ARTS IN PHILADELPHIA! FUCK YEAH!

And chicks I know with Double D's! (Awesome)

I'm outta cigarettes.
Procrastinating!
New girl each week I swear to god.
wtf am i talking about
maichi jaimie quyen katie ashley

new people every day!

GO TO DCCC
so glad i went, just need to pass my classes, then move onto a 4 year after next nect =P

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:22:42 GMT

Fwee! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Sry. Excited. I'm so happy I go to school right now. I'm only doing not so well in my English class, but I'm sure in a week or two I can bring my grade up to a B, and my math class just requires that I diligently complete my studies so I can be up to date on all the material, since it's a teach your own class. Huh, now that I think about it, I've never talked about DCCC..

Delaware
County
Community
College

My first day was pretty "meh" since I was all lost, confused, and whatnot, but from the second week on it was smooth sailing.

Mornings for me start at about 5 AM to 5:15 AM, unless I wake up late in which case my mom gives me a ride. Catching the trolley, I usually hang out and talk with Wilbert about whatever comes to mind, and when we arrive on campus after the 30 minute bus ride I usually get coffee and talk to people I know from around school, AP, work, etc.,.

My first block class is an English class which amazingly, I have only been late to once, considering my usual lack of punctuality which applies to everything, work, friends, events, I'm always stalling for extra time. I don't know too many people in my English class, but the ones I do are nice enough and the teacher actually teaches us stuff we don't already know. I never feel like I'm doing busywork, or jotting notes down for nothing.

My second block class is a bore though, I actually NEED a coffee. I was never much interested in history... Half the time I have a headphone in one ear while I'm jotting notes and half listening to his explanations on American History, Ibo & Iroquois culture, Columbus, and whatever else. Ashley Dennon's (from elementary school) in my history class, and she turned out gorgeous. People in there don't talk much, but it's not as if we get much of a chance to anyway, seeing as how the class takes notes almost the entire class aside from roll call.

Third block is a lot better, Public Speaking. I sit next to two Chinese dudes who always keep me entertained, and the majority of the class is sociable and friendly, aside from the teacher during her moods where she'll be extremely "smart" with students over the most petty things, but she's alright. I find this class beneficial to my public speaking skills (as intended), and it's not difficult at all provided you've read the material. I do like a few of the kids from this class, they're more easily approachable in coversation outside of class, being "public-speaking students." I never really feel like I'm doing anything though unless it's an active class participation scenario, public speaking activity, group work activity, or jotting notes down that are already in my damn book.

After that, TWO HOUR BREAK UNTIL MATH. During which I usually hang out with a group of 5-10 people from around campus smoking and playing hacky sack and meeting cute girls <3. Everyone's really friendly, and it's always a blast being a good way to pass two hours. You might ask yourself who would want to play hacky sack every other day for more than an hour, but I meet a lot of cool people that way, and a lot who blow my mind doing backflip serves, utilizing soccer skills, and playing in flip flops. I've even sparred against some people for fun in the courtyard hurting people and getting hurt in the process. There's always someone new to meet, good and bad (fat loud greek kids who act retarded, skinny geeky white boys who are annoying as fuck, strange white girls who like to chew their food and show for amusement). Unfortunately, just this two hour process usually burns me through a half a pack of cigarettes, not including bummed ones.

Math.... Ugh.
Teach yourself.
Take tests when ready.
500 questions a chapter. Chapter tests last until Dec. 14, last day. 9 Chapters. There's only ONE person in this class I can stand talking to, the rest are retarded I swear to god. I've never wanted to throw someone in a wheat thresher as bad as these people.

Kev usually gives me a ride home, if not I catch the bus with Wilbert, either way I don't mind aside from paying $3 to get home or to work...

Just thought I'd write about my classes.
I took four so I'd be elligible for health insurance.

Ciao~!

(someone give me $1,100 for a laptop PLEASE)

Random

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 19:33:12 GMT

I like going to DCCC. I meet someone new and interesting everyday, and see people I already know, from school, work, friends, the mall.
Oh and apparently Maichi has a kid o.o. NEVER MIND </3
Oh well, there's cute girls all around campus anyhow.
I REALLY need to study. I haven't exactly done terrible, but my recent grades were pretty mediocre.
u.u
I need $1,100. The laptop I saw on tigerdirect is soooo sexy.
I can't find decent ear cuffs anywhere. Like the kind Miyavi wears. Black.
This helix cartilage piercing I got hurts to sleep on.
My eyebrow hurts from where I hit my head on Kevin's fuckin' car fold down mirror.
My foot hurts from when I kicked that guy in the knee. Sparring hurts.
People keep calling my cellphone asking for Kelly Larson. I am not Kelly Larson.
I'm broke again until next Thursday.
I have to study but I wind up just staring at my books.
My speakers are broken.
The leaves in my tea lost flavor on the second cup.
It's bright outside.
It's also cold outside.
I have the house to myself for three days starting Friday night.
Bawwww scared and lonely
John Mark still has all my alcohol, I should get it back

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 20:43:51 GMT

I CANT WAIT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. I don't know why, that is the weirdest feeling in the world, especially after you grow tired of people you hang around too much.

So... that cute girl from hibachi called me!!! FWEE!! *spazzes* She wanted to see me at Bistro but she called me while I was in bed since I was sleeping, but that's alright. o_o

What kind of birthday present do you give to a girl you hardly know? Maybe I should take her out to dinner or something, I don't drive, but I could convince John Mark or someone to double date with me... HMM. *Spazzes more* I should text her! FDGSDGHEATJGHLSDFGJ<M

I have to talk to her more so I can ask her out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee

Random: Holy hell it's been cold recently. I can't even sit out on my roof to smoke, it's like 60-70 degrees..

Chris got a new car, I'm getting a semi-new laptop that needs to be upgraded, and I HAVE TO GET MY LICENSE. I need it real soon, since my permit expires October 17th. At least this way, when my mom gets a new car I can just take her Corolla and pay the insurance/gas. Considering that, it's about time I considered a career change since I'm paid barely above minimum wage. Apparently, even Jimmy is going to be making more than me and he's kinda... Well.. You know.

I'm considering Kinko's, since a friend I used to talk to a lot told me to apply there since they pay like 500 every two weeks to start, and maybe Pac Sun cause I like clothes and I like discounts more, and the manager Joel is a cool dude.

More incoherent, loosely strung together thoughs to come!
LAUNDRY!
Maichee<3?

EDIT:
Forgot to mention that (or maybe it wasn't clear) I'm not going out with her, but it's a work in progress, if ya know what I mean.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 02:33:21 GMT

my user infoSometimes we reap nothing of our efforts.
Staggering through the unbearable, unceasing pain, when air turns to smoke, every inhale hurts.
When pain feels like a flickering flame licking the insides of your chest.
When all you wish for is endless, peaceful rest.
Sometimes we have to stand alone and endure, come what may.
Even if we suffer alone, there will be salvation beyond the horizon one day.
Every painful step, we hope for the light of day, doing what we must.
To find that guiding light to lead us through dark and dust.

Posted just so I can remember. I happen to like my poetry because it isn't that free-verse BS, anyone can write that. Mine might be a simple simile/metaphor AABB rhyme scheme poem, and I've done better, but I like the imagery and how I capture the feeling of "hurt," basically. I was basically saying no matter how bad life can get, the good is inevitable. I sometimes do poems with intricate rhyme patterns and syllable adherence (e.g., ABABCC, ABBA, etc.,/10/8/8/10 syllable line scheme),,, as well as a variety of poetical devices, but sometimes simple is good.

School is good, the computer is fixed even if I am missing my movies and like 18 programs, and my dad is sending me a good laptop I can fix up for myself seeing as how the ram is quite low and the video card probably a bare minimum. My classes are three easy days out of the week, and even though I have to get up early, I redeem that with a 2 hour break to do whatever I want and chill with people I know. Though I only know a few people, and many people aren't quite keen to talk having places to go and belonging to specific cliques, I do enjoy myself and rarely feel out of place.

End.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 03:57:44 GMT

I start school on Wednesday. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, 8 A.M. to 2:30 P.M. 4 classes, 55 minutes each, with a 2 hour break before my last course, developmental math. I'm blogging on my mom's laptop, since my sister managed to break the monitor and the desktop I own with reckless abandon, and rack up a $1,200 phone bill on my dad's cell phone calling her Canadian friend from that stupid game Ragnarok Online. She's been here less than a week, and caused $2,000 worth of damages. I came home, went on the computer then noticed the monitor was blinking on and off. Went upstairs and asked my sister what happened. "I don't know, I didn't do it." Who the fuck else could have done such stupid shit, I had to wait 45 minutes for the damn LCD monitor to stop blinking and finally turn on. And the first thing she tells me afterwards is, shake it a little and it will start to work. What. The. Fuck.
Three or four painful days later, I come home to find out she is grounded for leaving a grand worth of phone bill costs at my dad's, and go to use the computer. I turn it on, monitor still not working (this time not at all, blinking repeatedly), so I plug in an old CRT monitor, and check the message on the computer awaiting me as soon as I start the computer: cannot start windows, missing file C:\windows\system32\config\system.
FUCK
FUC
FUCK
FUVK
FUCK
FUCK

I no longer find the noob joke of deleting C:/windows/system32 funny. Didn't think someone in my family would be smart enough to locate the directory and dumb enough to delete it.

Bleach fucking sucks.
More bitching to come following start of new school year.